Being instead of doing

It’s been a whole week since I last posted, and a very full week.  I traveled out to Seattle to be with my mother for her cancer surgery.  I didn’t know what to expect, but she has bounced back like a true healer.  She sometimes talks about being in the 80’s is if it is really old, time to call it quits.  But last night we were invited to drinks at a neighbor’s apartment.  When we could get her to sit down and stop serving us, we had a very pleasant conversation — and found out she is 97.  What a great role model for my mother!

I’ve had this very odd sensation out here that I’m not doing enough.  We work crossword puzzles and Sudoku over breakfast, go for a long walk in the morning, have lunch, go down to the dining room for a cup of coffee and to read mail, go for another long walk in the afternoon, stop in the library in the building to read the papers, come up and fix dinner, read and talk, and then the day is over.  It feels weird – not to have anyone expecting me to be anywhere besides right here.  I needed a goal after awhile, and so started going through her recipe box and typing up handwritten recipes — from my aunts and grandmothers and Mom herself.  There are some in there that some of my siblings have asked about – Gone with the Wind, Chocolate cake with angel food pieces, Sour cream raisin pie, Mile High Dessert …  I know my daughter will be thrilled with them since she has “Context” as one of her StrengthsFinder talents – an interest in placing present things in the context of the past.  She also loves to cook. 

So I keep reminding myself that the most important thing I can be doing right this minute is just being here.  Being close by when Mom gets the pathology report, going along on walks, sewing buttons on, and just being good company.  How strange it feels!


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